Control Your Thoughts – Do Not Let The Affair Consume You

John was not happy, he had put fourteen years into his marriage, doing what he could to make it a happy one. Then after fourteen years he found out that his wife was having an affair with an old high school flame. He thought that they had fourteen good years and he was blissfully unaware of any problems. Now he is struggling to comprehend what has happened, his world has come crashing down around him and his mind feels like it is no longer his own. He finds it difficult to be positive about anything as everything has become tainted by the affair. His mind has gone into non stop overdrive, analysing everything about his marriage, wondering what he did wrong, wondering what they did together. A part of him wishes that he could turn the clock back to before he discovered the affair, when he was still happy. Your Thoughts John is struggling to see a way out of the mess, wherever he looks he sees negativity, he feels like he is losing his mind. What is happening to John is not unique. No matter who you are, if you have been dealt a blow like this you will feel like your mind is no longer your own and that it is plagued with dark and ugly thoughts. Although it is easier said than done, you have to learn to control your thoughts and do not let the affair consume you.

If you have just found out that your spouse has had an affair, it is like your world has come to an end. You have been betrayed, you try to look to the future that you once saw but can no longer see anything. If like John you thought that you had a good marriage this betrayal is made worse by the belief that you can no longer trust your judgement, can you ever trust again?

You want and need to understand why the affair happened, and what happened. As the victim in this you will be trying to comprehend something that is often totally incomprehensible. As you try to think things through you start to question the validity of the foundations of truth, trust, commitment. You wonder if the values that you held dear held any worth or meaning.

Are these thoughts causing you grief. I do not think that our marriage can withstand the strain. I hate them, they are scum. The sight of my loving spouse repels me. What have they got that I do not? Are they better looking? Do they have better prospects than I do? Is it because I put some weight on? Have I spent too much time with the kids and not enough time with my spouse?

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